1. When I was born, I was given a choice: A big dick or a good memory...
I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying: 'No hard feelings....'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:
'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge...
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small...
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing........
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying: 'Don't take your troubles to bed'.
Many men still sleep with their wives!!
laugh and enjoy.
How to Buy Hot Lingerie
I found this to be informative and I love the $109 bra.
http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/how-to-buy-lingerie-2009
http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/how-to-buy-lingerie-2009
Sky Diving
I'm not sure American Audiences are ready for this commercial yet!
Fleggaard Holding A/S, through its subsidiaries, markets electronic appliances. The company specializes in selling televisions and radio sets.
Fleggaard Holding is based in Krusaa, Denmark. Just across Germany's northernmost border with Denmark you’ll find an incredible superstore called Fleggaard. There, you can buy everything you need – tubs of gummi bears, cases of wine, industrial strength dishwashing soap – at prices 30% cheaper than you’ll find in Denmark. It is Denmark's Costco, packaged as a German loophole.
The 100+ women do stunts in the air – while free-falling – holding hands to spell out “Half-off on Dishwasher soap at Fleggaard.” You’d be hard-pressed to find a man in Denmark who hasn’t seen and fallen in love with that commercial. It was geared strictly to men. The ad is real!
Here it is:
http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf
Fleggaard Holding A/S, through its subsidiaries, markets electronic appliances. The company specializes in selling televisions and radio sets.
Fleggaard Holding is based in Krusaa, Denmark. Just across Germany's northernmost border with Denmark you’ll find an incredible superstore called Fleggaard. There, you can buy everything you need – tubs of gummi bears, cases of wine, industrial strength dishwashing soap – at prices 30% cheaper than you’ll find in Denmark. It is Denmark's Costco, packaged as a German loophole.
The 100+ women do stunts in the air – while free-falling – holding hands to spell out “Half-off on Dishwasher soap at Fleggaard.” You’d be hard-pressed to find a man in Denmark who hasn’t seen and fallen in love with that commercial. It was geared strictly to men. The ad is real!
Here it is:
http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf
How Men Can Look Better Than Women In Lingerie
Okay men who like to wear women's clothing, here's a challenge for you: looking better in lingerie than women do. Is it possible? I say yes. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so this is always going to be a subjective matter, but let's not allow that to hold us back in the quest to make men look good in their lingerie.
First of all, looking good is about emphasizing your good points. For men, that is often their legs. If you're not already wearing stockings or panty hose, I suggest you start. If you like lingerie, then there's a better than average chance that you will enjoy the feeling of nylon. Wearing hosiery will accent your legs and make you look delightfully feminine. I'm not entirely sure why it is that we consider legs that are slim and well toned 'feminine' as females usually deal with thigh weightiness and cellulite much more often than men, but that's our misguided notion of beauty for you.
Once you have your legs sorted out, (with perhaps a nice pair of heels to match,) it is time to address the panties. Larger bodied men should go with fuller panties, 'granny panties', if you will. A full brief covers the body nicely and is comfortable on any figure. Olga's Secret Hug range is perfect for this. If, on the other hand, you're a sprightly little thing, then a thong or similar panty style will highlight your flesh. Boyshorts are also great for all figures and are renowned for being incredibly comfortable.
If you're struggling with a belly (as many men do,) a camisole is an excellent piece of lingerie that covers the body tastefully and feels amazing to wear. Babydolls are also a good choice for men who want to look feminine, but don't want to bare their torsos to the world. On the plus side, if you have a little extra weight about you, a good bra can create the sort of cleavage you've always dreamed of. Don't be afraid to experiment with push up bras, women cheat, you can too!
Finally, don't forget about shaving. A shaved or waxed chest, back, legs and bikini line can really set lingerie off in a way that is hard to imagine when you are fully haired. Shaving also makes lingerie feel a thousand times better. Don't believe me? Try shaving one calf and then wearing a pair of jeans. You'll find that shaving makes even the roughest of fabrics feel silky smooth.
The important thing however, is to have fun and enjoy your lingerie. It is very possible for a man to look just as good in lingerie as a woman, it's all about attitude, fit and style.
First of all, looking good is about emphasizing your good points. For men, that is often their legs. If you're not already wearing stockings or panty hose, I suggest you start. If you like lingerie, then there's a better than average chance that you will enjoy the feeling of nylon. Wearing hosiery will accent your legs and make you look delightfully feminine. I'm not entirely sure why it is that we consider legs that are slim and well toned 'feminine' as females usually deal with thigh weightiness and cellulite much more often than men, but that's our misguided notion of beauty for you.
Once you have your legs sorted out, (with perhaps a nice pair of heels to match,) it is time to address the panties. Larger bodied men should go with fuller panties, 'granny panties', if you will. A full brief covers the body nicely and is comfortable on any figure. Olga's Secret Hug range is perfect for this. If, on the other hand, you're a sprightly little thing, then a thong or similar panty style will highlight your flesh. Boyshorts are also great for all figures and are renowned for being incredibly comfortable.
If you're struggling with a belly (as many men do,) a camisole is an excellent piece of lingerie that covers the body tastefully and feels amazing to wear. Babydolls are also a good choice for men who want to look feminine, but don't want to bare their torsos to the world. On the plus side, if you have a little extra weight about you, a good bra can create the sort of cleavage you've always dreamed of. Don't be afraid to experiment with push up bras, women cheat, you can too!
Finally, don't forget about shaving. A shaved or waxed chest, back, legs and bikini line can really set lingerie off in a way that is hard to imagine when you are fully haired. Shaving also makes lingerie feel a thousand times better. Don't believe me? Try shaving one calf and then wearing a pair of jeans. You'll find that shaving makes even the roughest of fabrics feel silky smooth.
The important thing however, is to have fun and enjoy your lingerie. It is very possible for a man to look just as good in lingerie as a woman, it's all about attitude, fit and style.
hub page=hope alexander
New Ford
New Ford Comin
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."
It comes in pink, and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."
It comes in pink, and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.
Boy to Man
As some of you know I am a teacher of middle school students. Middle school is the new junior high but grades 6-8. The age which students enter middle school would be as young as 10 depending on the birth date and we have some students who are 15 yrs old, still not in school high school. There is something that I had noticed even in my own home, boys standing in front of the mirror with a counter filled with products. Everything from deodorant to hair gel. Not one scent but a variety of scents. In a way I was pleased to see my sons take care of themselves, you know shower, brush the teeth and use deodorant but when did grooming go from that to all the other products??
My problem isn't the amount of products but the scents. They are just overpowering! I am not certain if it is the scent or the quantity or what? but I get such a headache and sick feeling. At one time I have had to roll the windows down of the car just to drive. I even had to tell the boys to stop with all the scents. What gives???
www.nytimes.com/2010/01/31/fashion/31smell.html?emc=eta1
My problem isn't the amount of products but the scents. They are just overpowering! I am not certain if it is the scent or the quantity or what? but I get such a headache and sick feeling. At one time I have had to roll the windows down of the car just to drive. I even had to tell the boys to stop with all the scents. What gives???
www.nytimes.com/2010/01/31/fashion/31smell.html?emc=eta1
Help me out, please, I go to school tomorrow and have the same problem with too many products used by some boys and no products used by others!
Orgasm
Okay, every one if you have HBOZ there is a program titled Real Sex: Orgasm.
You must view it! There is a sex therapist that has a collection of vibrators, all kinds and shapes. Some dating back to 1900's it amazing. A pron movie maker from Japan.
Wow an entire program dealing with orgasms!
As usual, it is possible this program has been on before but I never saw it before. I take that back I have seen parts of this particular program, I remember because I am viewing the part where there is a sex expert putting dildos in the dishwasher to clean them. I believe this is where I learned more about giving hand jobs and blow jobs. Oh, yes this needs to be watched, if not saved and copied.
Look for it on HBOZ
You must view it! There is a sex therapist that has a collection of vibrators, all kinds and shapes. Some dating back to 1900's it amazing. A pron movie maker from Japan.
Wow an entire program dealing with orgasms!
As usual, it is possible this program has been on before but I never saw it before. I take that back I have seen parts of this particular program, I remember because I am viewing the part where there is a sex expert putting dildos in the dishwasher to clean them. I believe this is where I learned more about giving hand jobs and blow jobs. Oh, yes this needs to be watched, if not saved and copied.
Look for it on HBOZ
Microfiber Bras for men
I'm a big fan of microfiber for many reasons, its smooth, it has a sheen to it, it is comfortable, and it is the way of the future. When all the cotton dies out due to global warming, those of us who have already adapted to polymer clothing will have an advantage over those who keep whining about the fact you can't drink the water anymore.
Prominent online lingerie retailer, Her Room, agrees, saying 'Microfiber bras are composed of a synthetic material made up of an extremely fine material. Finer than silk or satin, microfiber is generally considered one of the highest qualities of brassiere materials in terms of comfort and wearability. In addition, the microscopic threads, which can be packed much tighter than lace or satin, help to trap moisture while at the same time allowing airflow.'
Most major bra manufacturers produce microfiber bras, from Wonderbra, to Lily of France, even Olga have come to the 21st century party with their seamless microfiber bra that delights the wearer with its stealthy comfort.
Most, if not all, (not all,) microfiber bras are seamless, which is perfect for men who want to wear a bra underneath their everyday attire. The lack of seams mean that you will be free to stretch like a gorilla as much as you desire and all that will be visible under your shirt is nothing, nothing at all.
hub pages=hope alexander
Has anyone noticed
that the days are getting longer. I have! Its not so much the mornings right now because I still leave the apartment when it is dark outside and when I am about half way to school that is when the sun comes up. Since I am late leaving school 2 afternoons a week, I have noticed the sun is still up but setting at 5:30 PM. At 5:30PM if all is well I should be home so it is a good feeling to see the sun is shining. I know that spring can't be very away. Even with the very cold temperatures and the snow/ice from our Christmas snow storm. Spring is coming.
Yesterday at school we had a committee come to school to help decide if we are a school to watch. This is a very prestigious award for any school. As we were cleaning up the library at the end of the day, the tulips (purple and yellow) school colors, the question was what do with them. I love flowers, i will need to get to the grocery store to purchase more flowers, a treat for myself. I was asked to bring home the purple and yellow tulips. They are a sign that spring will be arriving soon, even if the tulips were delivered from a warmer climate. The tulips sit near my desk among my Christmas decorations they still need to be put away.
Spring is coming and soon we will be setting out clocks forward. Irony is I love snow! Now we need fresh snow.
Enjoy your day.
The Black Bra
To wear a black bra, you must be daring. To wear a black bra, you must be bold. In wearing a black bra, you come to understand that although lingerie lies next to your skin, safely tucked away under your outer clothing, it is nevertheless a very real presence. The man who wears a black bra is a man who has mastered the arts of lingerie, he is one with the essential nature of lingerie.
Black lingerie is stylish, timeless and often lasts a great deal longer than lighter colored lingerie which becomes discolored over time and in the wash as dyes from other items of clothing invariably find their way through the aqueous medium in your wash tub and stain pale fabrics a darker color.
Anyone can purchase and wear a black bra, but only the man who has devoted serious time to his study of the nature of lingerie can wear a black bra with total confidence. He knows how the black bra can be hidden for stealth effect, he knows how it can be subtly displayed as a means of lingerie pride, and he knows how it can be shown in all its glory for full effect.
If you happen to be a man who loves lingerie, a black bra is an essential part of your wardrobe, but it is not a part of your wardrobe that you should wear lightly. Many have tried on black bras and many have failed the challenges that come with being a wearer of a black bra.
In order to successfully wear the black bra in a subtle fashion, you must have a deep understanding of the opacity of your outer garments. Is that shirt somewhat translucent under fluorescent lights? Will it give away your secrets if someone takes a picture with a powerful flash? Is there even the remotest possibility that today, somebody will throw a bucket of water over your head, and will your outerwear stand up to the challenge if that happens?
The black bra is perhaps one of the most beauteous pieces of lingerie. It comes in many forms, sometimes soft and padded, sometimes delicate and lacy, sometimes closing at the front, sometimes closing at the back, sometimes with adjustable straps that can be swapped around to form a halter bra. Do not underestimate the potential complexity of the black bra. Respect it, and wield it as you would any other totem of potent femininity.
Hub pages= hope aleaxnder
Mannequins
I have observed something that I really haven't noticed in awhile probably because I haven't gone to the mall to make purchases. On Christmas Eve, I went shopping with my sons as they finished their Christmas shopping. We drove to Tyson's Mall,parked near Macy's. To get into the mall we walked through Macy's. I can tell you I haven't been in a Macy's in a couple of years. But as I walked through Macy's I noticed the male mannequins dressed in briefs. Actually a couple of different styles on different mannequins. The mannequins looked more life like then the ones I remember being used at the stores. The mannequin's had hard nipples and a decent looking package to fill out the underwear.
Now because I wasn't near the lingerie department, I don't know if the female mannequins are created equal. I may have to return to the mall to find out that answer.
Now because I wasn't near the lingerie department, I don't know if the female mannequins are created equal. I may have to return to the mall to find out that answer.
Panties with more then bows and ribbon
I found this web site on a forum I belong to, I really love the panties on this site. Some are expensive but take a look at them and see why.
www.pantysalad.com
www.pantysalad.com
Lollipop Girl
I really love my lollipop girl
And how she makes her tongue swirl
Around and around my sweet hard candy
Sipping each drop as if it were brandy
Relishing it like it's an all-day sucker
Smiling at me she makes her mouth pucker
Firmly but gently with her hand she grips
As she slides it in and out her wet lips
I hear the sound of a slurp and a smack
She must be enjoying her delicious snack
I can take no more of her luscious licking
While sucking it with her tongue flicking
Nearing the finish her rhythm increases
And finally it's over and she releases
When she is through I feel it's my turn
Because she has something for which I yearn
She has a dessert of which I must eat
And slowly I lick her sweet tasty treat
How Can I Stop My Husband / Boyfriend Wearing Lingerie?
So you have a husband or boyfriend and in many respects he is quite satisfactory. Unfortunately, you have discovered that he likes to wear lingerie, which is obviously unacceptable. Although you like to wear jeans now and then, and think you look pretty cute when you slip into his shirt, it's quite unacceptable for him to go so far as to enjoy wearing women's clothing. Women can wear whatever they want, but men need to toe the fashion line. We can't have them dressing in whatever takes their fancy, can we now.
But how do you stop him from wearing lingerie? Well, I advise women who want to stop their male partner wearing women's lingerie to act in the same way that they would stomp out any other harmless behavior which brings him pleasure. As every woman knows, a man's pleasure and enjoyment of life should rest largely, if not entirely, in the hands of his significant other.
Ultimatums
Who doesn't respond well to an ultimatum? Nobody I know, that's for sure. If you want your boyfriend or husband to stop wearing lingerie, simply threaten him with an ultimatum, such as, 'If I catch you wearing lingerie again, this relationship is over.' This is sure to make him stop wearing lingerie and never want to wear lingerie again. You may have to comb the house for stashes of lingerie throughout the rest of your lives, as he takes to occasionally relapsing and buying the odd pair of panties or perhaps even a bra (gadzooks!) Don't worry about this too much, once you have firmly established an imbalance of power within the relationship, you should be able to terrorize and guilt him into giving up lingerie again without breaking so much as a sweat.
Whining and Nagging
Two major weapons in any shrew wife, or aspiring shrew wife's arsenal are whining and nagging. When you use the whining and nagging method, you should be sure to bring up the issue at least once a day. You should also ruin any moments of peace and happiness you two might mistakenly be enjoying by throwing the fact that he wears lingerie in his face. He must learn that if he does not do what you want, you will punish him with emotional blackmail until he concedes.
Shame and Humiliation
If all else fails, why not try to shame him out of wearing lingerie? Tell your friends, your family, his friends and family. Laugh about it. Make sure that he knows that you think he is very silly for wearing women's lingerie. Emasculating a man is a surefire way to bend him to your will. He may be resentful for some time, but you can overcome his resentment by withholding intimacy.
Withholding Intimacy
I almost feel silly writing this here, as it is fairly obviously the first step any red blooded woman would take when trying to defend an indefensible position. Withholding intimacy deprives him of something he enjoys, and forces him to turn his desires elsewhere. If that's not a good idea, then I don't know what is.
Caveat / Warning
Please be aware that undertaking any of the courses of action listed above puts your relationship at serious risk of what some people might call failure, (divorce, breaking up, that sort of thing.) Don't let that stop you however, how are you supposed to get your way in life if you can't control and micromanage your partner all the way down to his underwear?
(hub pages of Hope Alexander)
But how do you stop him from wearing lingerie? Well, I advise women who want to stop their male partner wearing women's lingerie to act in the same way that they would stomp out any other harmless behavior which brings him pleasure. As every woman knows, a man's pleasure and enjoyment of life should rest largely, if not entirely, in the hands of his significant other.
Ultimatums
Who doesn't respond well to an ultimatum? Nobody I know, that's for sure. If you want your boyfriend or husband to stop wearing lingerie, simply threaten him with an ultimatum, such as, 'If I catch you wearing lingerie again, this relationship is over.' This is sure to make him stop wearing lingerie and never want to wear lingerie again. You may have to comb the house for stashes of lingerie throughout the rest of your lives, as he takes to occasionally relapsing and buying the odd pair of panties or perhaps even a bra (gadzooks!) Don't worry about this too much, once you have firmly established an imbalance of power within the relationship, you should be able to terrorize and guilt him into giving up lingerie again without breaking so much as a sweat.
Whining and Nagging
Two major weapons in any shrew wife, or aspiring shrew wife's arsenal are whining and nagging. When you use the whining and nagging method, you should be sure to bring up the issue at least once a day. You should also ruin any moments of peace and happiness you two might mistakenly be enjoying by throwing the fact that he wears lingerie in his face. He must learn that if he does not do what you want, you will punish him with emotional blackmail until he concedes.
Shame and Humiliation
If all else fails, why not try to shame him out of wearing lingerie? Tell your friends, your family, his friends and family. Laugh about it. Make sure that he knows that you think he is very silly for wearing women's lingerie. Emasculating a man is a surefire way to bend him to your will. He may be resentful for some time, but you can overcome his resentment by withholding intimacy.
Withholding Intimacy
I almost feel silly writing this here, as it is fairly obviously the first step any red blooded woman would take when trying to defend an indefensible position. Withholding intimacy deprives him of something he enjoys, and forces him to turn his desires elsewhere. If that's not a good idea, then I don't know what is.
Caveat / Warning
Please be aware that undertaking any of the courses of action listed above puts your relationship at serious risk of what some people might call failure, (divorce, breaking up, that sort of thing.) Don't let that stop you however, how are you supposed to get your way in life if you can't control and micromanage your partner all the way down to his underwear?
(hub pages of Hope Alexander)
4 Things Guys Notice
According to a new study, a person’s physical appearance allows others to form surprisingly accurate first impressions. So you may want to think twice about what kind of image you’re projecting with these traits dudes check out immediately.
1. Your Smile
Does it seem sweet and genuine? Does it seem awkward and forced? Does it seem like you ate a sesame-seed and parsley salad for lunch based on what’s lodged between every single one of your teeth?
2. Your Hair
Guys have no idea what split ends are, and if you mention roots, they just think of the band. But they do look to see if your hair looks 1. soft and 2. as though it would smell good. So don’t request “The Gosselin” at the salon, and wash it every so often. That’s all guys ask.
3. Your Cleavage
Newsflash: Dudes like to look at your chest. But they will notice how you’re showing off what you’ve got.
4. Your Skin
You know that blemish you’ve been obsessing over all day because it’s so huge? Chances are guys won’t even notice. What will they notice, if you look like a jaundiced Oompa-Loompa because of overenthusiastic tanning.
Guys what do you think agree?
1. Your Smile
Does it seem sweet and genuine? Does it seem awkward and forced? Does it seem like you ate a sesame-seed and parsley salad for lunch based on what’s lodged between every single one of your teeth?
2. Your Hair
Guys have no idea what split ends are, and if you mention roots, they just think of the band. But they do look to see if your hair looks 1. soft and 2. as though it would smell good. So don’t request “The Gosselin” at the salon, and wash it every so often. That’s all guys ask.
3. Your Cleavage
Newsflash: Dudes like to look at your chest. But they will notice how you’re showing off what you’ve got.
4. Your Skin
You know that blemish you’ve been obsessing over all day because it’s so huge? Chances are guys won’t even notice. What will they notice, if you look like a jaundiced Oompa-Loompa because of overenthusiastic tanning.
Guys what do you think agree?
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